An Eye for an Eye: Avoiding Unhealthy Revenge

A most common response to a painful stimulus is revenge. Indeed, the popular saying, “an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth” seems to hold true --- for most people, at least.

With revenge comes an intense desire to take back what was lost, if only to restore one’s dignity.  Sometimes, it is all a matter of pride. But in many other cases, it is not.

When people or those they love are hurt, they do not simply retaliate in a subtle way. They fight back. They take revenge. While there is a thing called sweet revenge, such as what happens when one gives a former lover a dose of his own medicine, there is actually nothing sweet about it at all.  In fact, it may even be called unhealthy revenge because unhealthy revenge is usually accompanied by feelings of anger and bitterness.  These negative emotions can adversely affect the person both physically and mentally.  And it can be very draining on his part, again, both physically and mentally. 

However, avoiding unhealthy revenge may prove to be a lot more difficult, especially when the hurt is too deep and the only option there is for justice to be served seems to be it --- revenge.  Although hard as it may be, avoiding unhealthy revenge is still very much possible. 

Almost always, avoiding unhealthy revenge begins with learning to control one’s emotions.  This can be achieved through a number of ways, such as taking a deep breath, for one.  Deep breathing can effectively calm the nerves and also helps to clear the mind. Doing physical activity is also another way of controlling emotion. Doing something physically strenuous, like running around, climbing, weightlifting, cleaning the aquarium, or rearranging the furniture in the house, and the like, can divert one’s attention away from the desire for revenge. 

Another way of avoiding unhealthy revenge is to avoid the stimulus itself.  It means staying away from the one thing that made one behave or think in such a manner. A change of environment can do wonders to one’s feelings.  A vacation in popular holiday destinations, for instance, may help one appreciate the beauty of other things --- things he otherwise would have failed to appreciate given different circumstances.  And this will create a positive outlook in him.  Having a positive outlook in his life now, the individual gradually realizes that life deserves a second chance and that there is actually more to life than seeking revenge. 

Finally, the individual, too, may simply wait for nature to take its course and for time to heal the wounds.  Oftentimes, when the aggrieved person does not do anything destructive about the pain, and simply let things as they are, the pain will just fade away over time.  Without any more pain, the individual learns to come into terms with the situation, accepting it as it is --- a part of his life, a part of his past. He will learn to forget ... and who knows? He may even learn to forgive.